Brothers and sisters in Christ will you please help me with this question? Christians only?

When i first got born again, I was so arrogant and prideful. I continued smoking weed and going out occassionally. I took God's grace for granted. One day while praying i felt His spirit leave me. Since then I've repented and turned from those habits. Two times during this period of grief and repenting part of my life I felt His presence really strong. After the last time I felt His presence I really started trying to let go of those habits. I'm happy to say I haven't done any of those things in 15months. I've gotten active in the christian community, I'm witnessing and I'm engaged to a God-Fearing Woman. Although life seems good I have still been yearning for that true intimacy with the Lord I once had. I found my heart starting to harden and I also started having blasphemous thoughts. When praise and worship comes on, I have the hardest time because I feel rejected by God. I'm so spiritually dry now and depressed. I feel condemned by the parable of the 10 virgins, hebrews 6:4-6 and hebrews 10:26-27 and my blasphemous thoughts. One time, I even said in my HEAD I denounce Christ. I'm so scared. I feel like I can't come back to God. I almost feel like giving up. When I was young I always loved Jesus just because of who He is. Any advice?